No Deeper Sleep

…than the nap you take after your wedding, on the plane to Hawaii for the honeymoon. No, the lovely wedding happening in this picture was not ours, although there were many times during my engagement to H that I wished we had chosen to take this kind of simple, virtually planning-free route to wedded bliss.

Now, that’s not to say that I’m not happy with the wedding we did have. Our wedding was beautiful and personal, attended by friends and family we truly love. It was a special, joy-filled event that appropriately marked the start of what we plan on being a long life together. But it was a hell of a lot of work to plan.

By the last month before the big date, I was so burnt out from wedding planning that I would have agreed to hold the whole thing under a circus tent with everyone wearing clown costumes just as long as I didn’t have to make another decision or DIY another detail. (Of course, I did have to keep making decisions and DIY’ing details, right up to the last minute).

What pressure brides are under! I had no idea what kind of stress wedding planning would entail until I was already up to my waist in wedding magazines. Of course, much of this stress is self-inflicted.

During planning, I worried about some small things, such as the look of the invitations and the favors. I worried about big things like who we should invite and whether people would have a good time and if it would be too expensive for guests to travel and stay in hotels.

And then I grappled with weird expectations like, “You will never look more beautiful than you do on your wedding day.” Really?! I have to somehow make sure that I look as beautiful as I’ll EVER look? And what happens if my hair looks funky or I have dark circles under my eyes from staying up the night before writing vows? Will I be sad FOREVER because I didn’t look as good as I’ve ever looked or will ever look? One magazine authoritatively stated that my wedding would be my “crowning glory.” What if the day doesn’t live up to that? Is our marriage forever stained?!

As wonderful as our wedding was, I still think that the most special moments in our lives are the ones we don’t (and can’t) plan for. Several of those moments did happen during our wedding weekend. But as aesthetically gratifying as the wedding details were, those special moments, with our dear friends, our families, and each other, had absolutely nothing to do with me looking pretty or having the perfect table setting. Our wedding was definitely not our crowning glory, and I’m so grateful for that. We have a lot more to look forward to, and we’re hoping that at least some of it will be better than our wedding day.